1624
Narrated by `A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her): I did not realize until Zaynab entered upon me without permission while she was angry. She said: “O Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), is it enough for you that the daughter of Abu Bakr waves her arms?”.” Then she turned toward me, and I turned away from her —until the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “You may defend yourself.” So I turned toward her and responded to her until I saw that her mouth had dried up and she could not respond to me with anything . And I saw the face of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) beaming with delight..
Commentary :
The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was the best of mentor and the finest of teachers. He was the most excellent of people in his treatment of his family, and the kindest in his companionship with his wives. He was married to several women, and between them occurred what typically arises between co-wives—jealousy and misunderstandings. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was just between them and would not allow one of them to transgress against another.
`A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated part of this in the following Hadith. She said: “I did not realize until Zaynab entered upon me without permission while she was angry.” Meaning: Zaynab, the wife of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), entered upon `A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) in a state of anger without seeking permission, while the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was present. She then said to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him): “O Messenger of Allah, is it enough for you that the daughter of Abu Bakr waves her arms?” Meaning: Is it sufficient for you from `A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) that she merely moves her arms—and yet you turn away from your other wives?” This is a reference to her jealousy of `A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) and the love of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) for her. Without knowing the original Arabic word, this will make little sense (if any) to English readers. It should be: In her statement, “the daughter of Abu Bakr,” she used the word “Bunayyah” — a diminutive form of “Bint” (i.e., daughter) — and the word “Dhuray`atayha” (i.e., her two little arms), which is a diminutive of “Dhira`ayha” (i.e., her two arms).
`A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said: “Then she turned to me, so I turned away from her,” meaning: when Zaynab (may Allah be pleased with her) directed her speech toward me, I turned my face away and did not respond. “Until the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: ‘Defend may yourself.’” That is: take your right from her and defend yourself against the offense that Zaynab (may Allah be pleased with her) inflicted — as she entered without permission, while angry, and spoke words that caused pain to `A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her). This permission from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is in accordance with the Saying of Allah (interpretation of the meaning): {Allah does not like the public mention of evil except by one who has been wronged} [An-Nisa’ 4:148] This indicates that the one who is wronged has the right to defend himself. `A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said: “ So I turned toward her and responded to her until I saw that her mouth had dried up and she could not respond to me with anything,” meaning: her mouth went dry, and she was unable to speak due to intense embarrassment, finding no words in reply. This is an indication of how severely `A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) had affected her. “And I saw the face of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) beaming with delight,” meaning: his features lit up with joy or satisfaction.
Here, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) clarified that it is permissible for a person to defend himself from the one who wronged him — just as the Mother of the Believers `A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) did with the Mother of the Believers Zaynab (may Allah be pleased with her) when she harmed her. However, pardoning and forgiveness are better, if no greater benefit lies in retaliation, as Allah Says (interpretation of the meaning): {And those who, when tyranny strikes them, they defend themselves The recompense for an injury is an injury equal thereto, but if a person forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is due from Allah; for He loves not those who do wrong But indeed, if any do help and defend themselves after a wrong [done] to them, against such there is no cause of blame} [Ash-Shura 42:39–41]
Defending oneself is subject to two conditions:
Ability: If one is incapable, or if retaliation will lead to greater aggression or harm, then it should be avoided. This is the foundation of the prohibition of tribulation.
No transgression: One must not exceed the bounds of justice. In Sahih Muslim, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “When two people insult each other, the sin is upon the one who started it — unless the wronged one transgresses.” (Sahih Muslim) Thus, what is permissible in self-defense is for the wronged party to respond with what is equal or similar to what was said by the offender. It is a form of retribution, and must not go beyond that into verbal abuse or anything similar to it.
The Hadith includes that justice between wives in outward dealings is mandatory, unlike the heart’s inclination toward one of them, for that is in the Hand of Allah, not in the hands of people.
It also includes: The legitimacy of the oppressed defending themselves against their oppressor to the extent of the wrong done without transgressing..